Remembered

That's the question.  What do you want to be remembered for?  It's not really about what you made with your life, it's about how you made your life.  How you made the world.  Maybe just a little bit better?  Then you're doing fine.

I am the room mother for my 3rd grader.  This meant that I got to be in charge of the class Valentine's Day party.  Other mother's helped out by organizing and carrying out a couple games for the students to play, and I was in charge of the Valentine's craft.  The class was divided into 3 groups and I started with the first group of kids that came to my craft table.  I was feeling pretty proud of myself.  The kids seemed to be enjoying my activity and it was going smoothly.  Several of the children asked who's mother I was.  "Jordan's", I told them proudly.

A little girl looked up from her project and announced, "You probably don't know about me, because Jordan always tries to keep me a secret, but my name is Majestic.  Me and Jordan like eachother."  The other little girls snickered and I smiled at the cute grade-school love that was in the air this Valentine's Day.  I sat back for a moment and observed the kids using their creativity. .    Ughh.  Look at all the dirt under the fingernails of these kids.  This one looks like he tried to comb his hair with an eggbeater this morning.  This kid over here, just totally picked his nose and then reached for the community glue stick that all the other kids were using.  Remind me to wash my hands when I am done here. 

It came time to tie a knot at the end of our yarn to complete the project and make it "hangable" in the classroom.  I was amazed that the majority of the children did not know how to tie a knot.  My Jordan is in scouts. He knows how to tie a knot.  Why don't these other kids?  So, I asked the question out loud, "Aren't you in scouts?"  One boy spoke up and said, "I don't do scouts.  My mom has to work so she can never take me."  Another boy stated, "I do sports, I do not do scouts." So, I reached over and began tying a knot in the end of each string. One boy called out to Jordan across the room, "Hey Jordan, your mom knows how to tie knots!"  Then, that same little boy looked up at me and said, "My mom doesn't know how to do anything. All she cares about is her cell phone and Facebook." 

When all was said and done, I gathered up my supplies and was headed for the parking lot when one of those thoughts crossed my mind.  Good job Cara.  You are a wonderful actress.  Look at you putting on the "Mother of the Year" act today.  But what about yesterday when you screamed your head off at him?  Or the day before that when you totally forgot him and left him at church?  Or when you throw your hands up and walk away when he just won't listen to your way of solving his story problems for math?  You are a crap mom.  By now, I had reached my parked car.  I was climbing in and putting on my seatbelt when another thought came.  Cara.  What is wrong with you?  You are being a good mother in this moment today.  Your child is happy.  He has his hair combed, he had a bath, and you are caring for him and assisting his entire class in creating a happy Valentine's day memory.  He knows how to tie his own knot for hecks sake!  He was the only child who used his manners and said the word 'please'. He is going to turn out just fine.  Do not rob yourself of this moment's joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you might not do  tomorrow. It started me thinking of all the good things I do, all while beating myself up for the times that I haven't been perfect. 

Sometimes we scold and criticize ourselves because we believe it might help to improve our lives.  Yet, criticism hasn't improved any of us over the years.  In fact, criticism seems to make it harder to change and progress.  So listen to your inner dialogue and when you find that your are being critical or think that you are not good enough, stop immediately.  Choose to nourish yourself with praise and approval.  Know that you are on your way to becoming consistently loving.  Praise yourself for all the little things you do each day to make the world better.  Support yourself during this learning process.  You are a wonderful being.